It Was You Page 10

  She always said I was welcome to spend the night if I wanted, and I kept making excuses for why I couldn’t. I’d once told her I didn’t sleep well outside of my own bed, and another time I’d made some vague comments about needing to be home for Coco. Every time I lied to her, I felt guiltier and guiltier. But at this point, it would’ve been too hard to explain the truth.

  This whole thing had started off so innocently. How had I ended up trapped in a web of lies?

  I should’ve been on top of the world. I finally had a girl in my life, and she was as beautiful and unique and amazing as I could’ve ever hoped. She was crazy about me, and she seemed to be here to stay – but instead of being happy, I was constantly drowning in worries that the whole thing would come crashing down on me.

  Any day now, something was going to have to give. Once one little thing came out of place, the rest would tumble down along with it.

  And that day came sooner than I expected.

  Judi and I were strolling around the winter market downtown one Sunday evening, her looking at handmade goods and me hugging myself and trying to stop shivering. “Ooh, this would look adorable on you,” she said, holding up a knitted scarf. “The color really sets off your eyes.”

  She looped it around my neck, giving me a peck on the nose and then turning me to face the mirror. “It looks perfect,” she said, hugging me from behind. “I’m going to get it for you.”

  “Judi?” A familiar voice came from behind us, and I saw Sam’s reflection approaching us in the mirror. “Ella?”

  Shit. Shit, shit, shit. “Hey!” I said, unspooling the scarf from around my neck and handing it back to the confused vendor. “How are you? I didn’t know you were going to be here!”

  “You two are dating?” Sam asked, looking back and forth between me and Judi, his eyes filled with questions. “What? How? When? Why?”

  “You two know each other?” Judi asked, taking a step away from me and frowning.

  “We’re – ” Sam started.

  Shit! Why hadn’t I come up with a game plan for this situation? What was I supposed to do now? What could I possibly say?

  The jig was up when it came to Sam, and I’d have to explain everything and apologize later – but Judi still didn’t know we were siblings, or that I’d tried to help him to date her. If I could keep her from finding out a little longer, I could delay the inevitable.

  Although it was inevitable that she’d find out, so what was the point of putting it off? I didn’t know if there was a point.

  And yet the words were already spilling out of my mouth. “Yes, we know each other,” I said brightly while also giving Sam a hard stare. “What a small world! You two know each other, too?”

  “Sam was my coworker at Caffeine Hut,” Judi said. “He’s moved on to greener pastures. How’s that new job of yours?”

  “Good,” Sam said, still staring at us with wide eyes. “I just… You’re gay?”

  “No, but I’m not straight, either.” Judi laughed.

  “So, we’re going to continue with our date.” I took her arm, my heart pounding. “See you around, Sam.”

  Judi and I took a few steps before she spoke again. “Well, that was awkward.”

  “That’s the guy who was interested in you?” I asked, as if I didn’t already know the answer.

  “Yup.” She picked up a bottle of locally-grown jam and pretended to look at it. “It’s funny, men are always so shocked to find out I like women for real. They always think me being bi is some sexy performance for them, not that I’d actually date a girl. Although I don’t think I ever came out to him in the first place, so it’s no wonder he was a bit surprised.”

  “Right.” I wished she had come out to him – that would’ve made that scene a whole lot easier.

  “How do you know him, anyway?” she asked.

  We came out of the same vagina. “Just… around,” I said tightly.

  “Neighbors? Friend of a friend?”

  “Something like that.”

  I was only digging my hole deeper. She would find out, and when she did, these lies would only make her reaction worse. I could stop the madness and tell her now. I could say “Actually, he’s my brother,” and we could laugh about it.

  Even if I didn’t tell her the truth about the texting right now, at least I wouldn’t be adding on another lie. A lie of omission was still a lie, and I was betraying her more with every moment that I kept my relationship to Sam a secret.

  Judi shrugged. “Ooh, apple butter? I love that stuff!” She took off for a stand a few feet away, leaving me speechless in her wake.

  The moment had passed, and I still hadn’t told her.

  Sixteen – Judi

  When I got home from the winter market, I settled on the living room couch. Chelle and Sabrina were already there, cuddling under a blanket, and I said hi to them without the familiar feeling of mild envy coming over me. They were still as adorable and perfect together as they’d always been, but now I didn’t need to be jealous. I was pretty much part of an adorable couple myself.

  I pulled out my phone, still thinking about the run-in with Sam. Ella’s reaction to seeing him had been odd, and he’d reacted strangely as well. His behavior was understandable since he hadn’t known I liked women… but hers?

  Why would she be so weird about seeing him? I would’ve thought they’d dated or something, if I hadn’t known she was completely and openly gay. She’d even mentioned that she’d never needed to experiment with guys.

  Her answer about how they knew each other had been vague, like so many other things she said. She was clearly hiding something, and she’d never gotten around to explaining the “complicated” thing that she’d said she would tell me about later.

  If she wasn’t going to be upfront with me, maybe someone else would.

  I opened a new text and addressed it to Sam. Our last chat had been more than a month ago. I’d liked him so much at the time – at least the text version of him. It was strange to think about how easily he’d slipped out of my life. I’d started texting Ella so much once we started dating. It was almost like she’d taken his place.

  Hey! I wrote to him. Funny seeing you today. It’s been forever.

  I hesitated, wondering if I should make some small talk before getting to my real question. With my luck, he’d take it as a sign of renewed interest, so I decided against it.

  How exactly do you know Ella? I added.

  I set my phone on the table, making sure the sound was on so I wouldn’t miss his reply.

  “Waiting for word from the lovely Ella?” Chelle asked, flipping through channels. “I thought you just saw her. Why didn’t she come over?”

  “She had some other stuff to do.” Although she hadn’t mentioned not coming over until after we’d run into Sam, so maybe that had something to do with it. I didn’t know.

  “She seems so sweet,” Sabrina said. “We should really double-date sometime.”

  “Yeah, I can ask her about it.” And she’d probably give me some vague non-answer to that, too.

  Dammit, this was bothering me more than it should. Why did it matter if she hadn’t given me a clear answer? Wherever she knew Sam from, it wouldn’t be a problem for me. Unless they’d met in a club for punching puppies, I couldn’t think of a reason why it would even affect me.

  And yet she’d been so shady about it!

  I grabbed my phone, hoping Sam had replied. He hadn’t, of course – I would’ve heard the beep if he had.

  “Why are you so eager to hear from her?” Chelle asked. “Are you two sexting?”

  “No, we’re not sexting!” I said. “Let me live! Jeez!”

  “Well, we know you have a healthy sex life,” Sabrina said with a smirk. “You kept us up late the other night.”

  “We did?” I asked, horrified. “I’m sorry! I had no idea.”

  “The walls are thin,” Chelle said, leaning her head on Sabrina’s shoulder. “We could hear every word.”


  “And every moan,” Sabrina added. “You two are definitely enthusiastic.”

  “Oh my God!” I grabbed my phone and scurried into my room.

  If this relationship went on, I was going to have to look into soundproofing.

  *

  By the morning, I’d nearly forgotten about the message I’d sent to Sam. Since it was my day off, I slept in until almost noon. I lay in bed reading a pop-psychology book for another hour before even looking at my phone.

  Sam had texted back late last night. Just from around, he’d written. I’m not even sure where we met.

  I frowned. That was a vague non-answer, too, which made me suspicious. But why would he lie? What would he have to hide? Maybe they really were in a puppy-punching club!

  I slowly got dressed, taking my time with my hair and make-up. I didn’t have any plans for today, other than working on the online marketing for the Pride stuff. I could do that from here, or go to a coffee shop – although I rankled at the thought of heading in to Caffeine Hut on my day off.

  The other option was to go to the library. Hmm… I could see Ella. Surprise her.

  And if she was up to anything funny, dropping in on her without notice might tell me something.

  Not that I was trying to spy on her. Not at all.

  I headed to the library around two, knowing she’d be working. Once I got inside, I looked around for a minute. Then I brought the book I’d found to the check-out desk.

  “I’d like to check this out, please.” I handed her the book.

  Her eyes widened when she saw me. “Judi, what are you doing here? And what…” She looked down at the book and choked on a laugh. “What do you need this for?”

  The book was The Joy of Lesbian Sex. “I thought I could use some tips,” I said. “Don’t you think?”

  She came out from behind the desk and gave me a quick hug, When I let go, she hung on, looking into my eyes. To my surprise, she leaned in again and kissed me on the lips. As usual, the feeling made me tingle, and more so because she’d kissed me in the middle of her workplace.

  “Is it okay that you did that?” I whispered. “You don’t mind your coworkers knowing about me?”

  “Why would I mind them knowing I’m dating a cute girl?”

  “I guess I thought you’d want to wait until we were official,” I said slowly. “You haven’t even brought me around your family, or anything.”

  A veil dropped over her eyes. “That’s different.”

  “How?”

  She shook her head as if shaking the question off. “It’s good to see you! I was honestly just thinking it sucked I wouldn’t get to see you today. You should come in here more often.”

  “Yeah, I’m going to grab a seat and work on the Pride stuff.” I nodded at the book. “I don’t really need that, by the way… unless you think I really do need tips.”

  “We could all use some tips,” she laughed. “But maybe I’ll get you your own copy. We don’t know where that one’s been.”

  “True. You never know who’s been touching it with… sticky fingers.” I had a sudden urge to wash my hands.

  She slid the book into the return bin. “We have hand sanitizer, if you want it.”

  I allowed a smile to spread across my face. This girl could pretty much read my mind. And she was gorgeous, and witty, and she’d been ready and willing to kiss me in front of all of her coworkers. If I’d come here hoping to catch her at something – and I had no idea what – I’d failed miserably. This visit had only made me fall for her a little harder than I already had.

  Clearly she hadn’t told me all of her secrets yet. But that was okay. If she wasn’t ready to open up about certain parts of her life yet, I’d wait for her. She was worth it.

  And I trusted her.

  Seventeen – Ella

  Sam paced around the kitchen, his panic so thick I could actually feel it. “How long is this going to go on, Ella? How long am I supposed to pretend I’m not your brother?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I thought you had a plan when you asked me to tell her I knew you from ‘around.’ How is this supposed to work?”

  “I don’t know!”

  As much as his questions were upsetting me, at least this was better than his initial reaction when I got home the other day.

  “How could you do this to me, Ella?” he demanded.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “It just happened.”

  “It didn’t just happen! Things don’t ‘just happen.’ You made it happen. Admit it! You decided you wanted her for yourself, and you asked her out.”

  “That’s not true! I already met Judi and asked her out before I’d even known she was the girl I was texting.”

  He stared at me. “You asked her out when you met her through your friends?”

  “That’s not exactly what happened,” I said. “We actually met at the Pride committee. I thought her name was Julie at first! Once I figured it out, I didn’t know how to tell you.”

  Once he understood the mistaken identity, he was a little more sympathetic. Still, he was far from happy that I’d “stolen his girl,” and he only reluctantly agreed to pretend we weren’t related.

  “You told me you’re serious about her,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “So how’s it going to work when she meets the family? ‘Hey, this is my mom, my sister, and that guy I know from around’?”

  “I didn’t think about it!” I said, bile rising in my throat. “I should’ve told her you were my brother, but then I thought she’d figure out that I used to text her. I just freaked out and said I knew you from around. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing. I didn’t think it through!”

  “And then instead of having me clear things up, you asked me to add onto your lie,” he said incredulously. “Now we’ve both basically told her we’re not related, so how do you plan to keep her from ever finding out?”

  “For the last time, I don’t know!” I shook my head. “This all could’ve been avoided if you’d just told me you were going to the winter fair.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know I had to give you an exact report of my comings and goings in case I ended up running into you on a date with my crush that you stole from me!”

  I hung my head. I was supposed to be the smart one of the two of us. It was a sad day when Sam made more sense than me.

  “Okay, I fucked up,” I said. “What do you think we should do next, then? I really like her, and she seems to feel the same. She even came to my work today.”

  “Rub salt in the wound, why don’t you?” Glaring at me, Sam leaned against the counter. “I think you should tell her the truth.”

  “I can’t do that!” Maybe I could’ve done it at the start, but not now. I was fully invested in this relationship. Although I wouldn’t have said it out loud, I was falling in love with Judi. She was everything I wanted and more, and there was no way I’d do anything that might ruin that.

  “But how can you not?” Sam asked. “This isn’t easy for me to say, you know. Telling her I needed your help is going to make me seem like some kind of pathetic loser.”

  “You said it, not me.”

  “Shut up.” He crossed his arms. “The truth is going to come out, one way or another. The only choice you have is how she’s going to find out. Do you want her to hear it from you, or do you want her to find some baby pictures of us on Facebook?”

  “Oh God, I have to take those down.”

  “Ella, she’s going to find out!”

  I stood up and paced like he’d just been doing. “Okay, maybe I can admit that you’re my brother. I’ll tell her we were joking around about where we knew each other from because… I’m ashamed of you.”

  “Try again.”

  “You’re ashamed of me.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Come on.”

  “All right, we were joking around for fun.” I got to the door, swiveled, and paced back toward the kitchen island. “The part about the texting never needs t
o come out. Ever.”

  “Don’t you think she’s too smart to fall for this?” Sam bit his lip. “I feel like you should just be honest with her.”

  “You’re right. She knows me. She’s going to guess I was the one texting her as soon as she finds out we’re related.” I stopped in front of the wall and stared blankly at its smooth coat of paint. “I don’t know what to do, Sam. What do I do?” I’d really hit a new low if I was asking him for advice.

  “I already told you,” he said.

  “No! There has to be something else.”

  He bit his lip. “What about this? Tell her I asked you for help talking to her. That I told her I like the bands and shows you like, because I guessed your tastes would be closer to hers. You can even say I asked you for help coming up with all those witty one-liners. You were just doing it for fun, and you had no idea you’d ever end up meeting her.”

  “Hmm… that could actually work.”

  “It’s going to work,” he said. “I’m letting you throw me under the bus here, Ella. I’m going to seem like a huge loser, but I’ll let you do it because I’m a romantic at heart, and the two of you seem really good together.”

  “That’s sweet of you.” I still wasn’t sure, though.

  “You two are going to be able to make fun of me for this every single time you bring her to a family occasion until the day one or both of you dies.”

  I stared at him, not sure if I should laugh or punch him. I liked the idea of us making fun of him… and of bringing Judi to family occasions… and of being with her until death did us part. I decided to give Sam a smile.

  “Maybe you’re right,” I said. “A half-truth is better than a lie, right?”

  “I’m right sometimes.” With a smirk, he grabbed me to stop me from pacing and pulled me into a hug.

  I extricated myself, not quite ready to forgive him yet. “You know this whole mess is still because of you, right?”

  “I guess. Kind of.” He hung his head sheepishly. “Maybe just a little bit.”