It Was You Page 12

  “But the dinner,” she said. “The romance. You thought all of that was silly.”

  “Not silly! Just… pointless?” Oh God, I was digging my hole deeper. “I mean, I want to show you I love you every day. I don’t need a special occasion for it.”

  “Because you hate the special occasion.”

  “No, I don’t!” I took a breath, trying to figure out how to explain my feelings without hurting her. She’d put so much effort into making this weekend special, and I’d proceeded to shit all over what she’d done. No wonder she was more sensitive than usual.

  “Let’s review what happened this weekend,” she said. “I want to know what was going on in your head. I came to pick you up at work. You thought we were going to have a normal night, and instead I told you I had a Valentine’s surprise. You decided to, what… suffer through it? Go along with it, pretending you liked it, and then tell me afterwards that you hate the entire concept of Valentine’s?”

  “Not at all.” My heart was beating faster. She was seriously pissed off, and I hated it. “I was happy you wanted to do something nice for me. There was nothing more to it than that.”

  “Look, if you’re not into something, you should just tell me,” she said tightly. “I’d rather know how you feel, and then I can act accordingly.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to ruin the weekend by telling you I’m not crazy about Valentine’s Day.”

  “So instead you waited and told me after.” She let her head flop against the headrest. “I can’t stand being in the dark about things, Ella. This is partly on me for wanting to surprise you rather than asking if you wanted to do anything. But still, I would rather have known how you felt from the start.”

  “It’s not like I was suffering through anything,” I said. “I had a good time. I didn’t think I was keeping anything from you.”

  “Just don’t do anything like this again, okay?” Her tone was anxious. “Please. Honesty and openness are important in a relationship. I like to be on the same page as my partner, not to have them keeping things from me.”

  “I understand. I was only trying to make you happy.”

  “Well, don’t!” she said. “That’s like some shit a guy would do – telling me little white lies because they think I can’t handle the truth. I thought you were better than that.”

  “I am!”

  “Then act like it. If my cooking sucks, tell me. If my butt looks big in my jeans, I want to know. If you want to go out with your friends rather than staying in with me on a Friday night, just fucking say it.”

  We were quiet for the rest of the drive home.

  And when she dropped me off at my place, she didn’t give me any chocolates.

  *

  I couldn’t confess to Sam. He’d “helped” more than enough. I couldn’t stew in my guilt without telling somebody about what was going on, either.

  At a loss for what to do, I ended up making a coffee date with my friends for the next afternoon. Deena and Mindy met me at a café – not Caffeine Hut – at two PM sharp.

  “Hey!” I said, embracing each of them in turn. “How’ve you been?”

  I hadn’t seen them since shortly after Judi and I had started dating. We’d been spending so much time together, I’d hardly had time for anyone else. I’d updated my friends via text about our relationship, and they were understanding about not seeing me as much. I’d never planned to be one of those girls who ditched her friends as soon as she started dating someone, but when Judi came into the picture, I couldn’t help it.

  We ordered lattes and grabbed a table with comfy armchairs. As I settled into my seat, they peppered me with questions about my relationship, which I answered as best as I could. They were more curious than I’d expected, and I ended up having to assure them I’d give them a chance to meet Judi soon. “Then you’ll get to judge her for yourselves,” I told them.

  They caught me up on their own recent adventures – Deena had gone to Texas for a work trip, and Mindy was on again with her off-and-on girlfriend of a few years. I only half-listened, more eager to change the topic back to myself – or rather, to the story I’d concocted.

  “Do you remember the Internet post I was telling you about last time I saw you?” I asked, trying to sound casual. “The one about the girl who helped her brother talk to a girl, and then ended up dating her herself?”

  Although they didn’t look too excited to hear about this random person on the Internet again, they nodded.

  “That girl posted an update the other day,” I said, leaning toward them. “She’s been dating the girl for a couple of months now. Her brother found out, and he ended up being okay with it – but the girl still doesn’t know.”

  “She didn’t tell her?” Deena asked.

  “She kind of told some half-truths,” I said. “She said she gave her brother advice on how to talk to her, not that she was the one actually doing the talking.”

  “That’s not so bad,” Mindy said. “That’s pretty close to being honest.”

  “I thought so, too,” I said. “But then the girlfriend freaked out over another tiny thing – not even a lie. She said she wanted complete honesty in a relationship, and nothing less.”

  “That’s just silly,” Deena said, frowning. “No one can be totally honest all the time. What about those white lies people tell? Like saying someone looks nice in their outfit even if they don’t?”

  “She – this girl, I mean – actually used that as an example.” I curled my fingers around my latte. “She doesn’t want any lies between them at all.”

  “People lie all the time,” Mindy said. “I lie to Georgia. Just this morning, I told her I was going to work instead of saying I was meeting you.”

  Georgia was constantly jealous of Mindy, especially her close friendship with Deena. Sometimes I wondered if there was something to that, actually, so I couldn’t blame her.

  “I don’t know if that’s a great example of a healthy relationship,” I said. “How many times have you two broken up, again?”

  “Four,” she said, and grinned sheepishly. “Since the new year.”

  “You two don’t lie to me, do you?” Deena asked. “Wait, are you lying to me right now?”

  Mindy giggled, and I forced a laugh as the conversation devolved into jokes about lying to each other. I couldn’t bring it back to the topic I wanted to talk about without confessing that I’d been talking about myself the whole time.

  Now that I thought about it, I was lying to them right now. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately, and I didn’t like it.

  They seemed to think hiding the full truth from Judi was no big deal, though, and I figured that was what I should do.

  Even if a small voice at the back of my mind told me everything was going to go horribly wrong.

  Twenty – Judi

  Now that we’d been official for a week, it was time for me to meet Ella’s family. In my mind, it was no big deal. I already knew her brother, after all.

  It seemed to be a bigger deal for her. I harassed her all week to let me come over on Friday, and she only reluctantly agreed. She kept saying things like “it’ll be weird” and “it’s still so soon” until she finally gave in.

  I was curious to meet her mom and little sister, but honestly, the main reason I was pushing for this was to get seeing Sam out of the way. The time we’d run into him at the winter market didn’t count.

  If Ella and I were to get more serious, if I was to eventually become part of her family, I’d have to see him from time to time. The longer I dated Ella without speaking to him in person, the more awkward it was going to be when I did.

  In the end, we agreed that I’d come over so we could hang out at her place instead of mine. It wasn’t going to be a big, fancy meet-the-family scenario. Sam, Coco, and Ella’s mom would be around, and we could talk to them as much or as little as we wished. If we felt like having some privacy, we could always go in her room.

  “Although I don’t thin
k we should… be intimate,” she told me over the phone on Thursday night. “If they hear the slightest sign of it, they’ll never let me live it down.”

  “That’s okay,” I said. “I can always bring you over to my place afterwards so I can ravish you.”

  When the time came, I drove over to her place with a bottle of wine I’d picked up and some coloring books for Coco. I wanted to make a good impression, even if this wasn’t an “official” meeting.

  As soon as the door swung open, I realized I probably shouldn’t have worried. A woman I had to assume was Ella’s mom wrapped me in a rib-crushing hug, not letting me go until I squeaked for mercy. “I’m Fran,” she said.

  “Are you Judi?” a little girl in a pink tutu asked, peering up at me. “You’re pretty!”

  Not quite knowing how to respond, I looked around helplessly for Ella. The TV blasted a kids’ song from the other room, and the smell of baking muffins filled the entryway. This entire house radiated warmth and homeliness. It was nothing like my family’s home.

  “Excuse my family,” Ella said, appearing out of nowhere to take me by the arm. “They’re… enthusiastic.”

  “They’re great. I like them.” I threw a backward glance over my shoulder as Ella escorted me to the kitchen. They didn’t seem like they were going to follow us – for now.

  “Have a muffin,” Ella said, pulling one out of the tray where they sat cooling on top of the stove.

  “Your mom made them?”

  “Yeah. Oatmeal chocolate chip.” She took a bite, then handed it to me.

  “Thanks for getting your germs all over my muffin.” I laughed.

  “I think you can handle them. You get a lot more germs from me every time we kiss… or…” She waggled her eyebrows.

  A cough came from the door, where Fran stood shaking her head. “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. Would you girls like the TV? I can get Coco to play somewhere else.”

  “I want to play with Judi,” Coco shouted from the other room.

  I glanced at Ella, feeling slightly overwhelmed. “I’ll pour us a glass of wine, and then we’ll play with Coco.”

  “Great!” Fran said. “I’ll let Sam know you’re here.”

  My stomach churned at the thought of seeing him again. This was what I’d wanted, and yet now that I was here, coming here seemed like such a strange thing to do. I could’ve waited to meet the family, I could’ve put this off a while longer…

  But no. It would be better to get this over with. And Sam was a nice guy – he wouldn’t make this too weird.

  Ella and I headed into the living room with our wine and our muffins. Coco had a kids’ show blaring on the TV. As the cartoons broke into song and dance, she spun along with them, belting out the words as her pink tutu flew around her legs.

  “How can I play with you?” I asked when her performance came to an end. “I don’t know these songs.”

  “Sing them anyway!” she said, grabbing my hands. “Spin with me!”

  I glanced at Ella, who gave me a quick nod. I spun in a circle with Coco, trying to keep up with her until she suddenly flopped to the floor. “Whoo!” she yelled. “That was awesome! Ready to do it again?”

  “Hey, Judi.” A familiar voice came from the door.

  I got up quickly, dusting off my knees. “Hey, Sam. How’s it going?”

  “I never thought I’d find you in my living room playing with my kid sister,” he said with a wry smile. “Actually, I hoped I would, but…”

  But as his girlfriend, not his sister’s. I cut him off, wanting to nip the weirdness in the bud. “It’s good to see you. The new job’s going good?”

  “It’s fine,” he said. “Better than Caffeine Hut, anyway. How’s Wren and everyone?”

  “Not too bad. We got a new regular who’s almost as crazy as Jacob.”

  “Why, what’s he do?”

  “He comes in, buys one coffee, and spends half the morning scribbling in a notebook and staring at people,” I said. “We’re thinking about banning him, but he hasn’t actually done anything.”

  We talked a little longer, and I felt myself relaxing. This wasn’t so bad after all. Sam was a grown man, and he could be an adult about not getting the girl he’d wanted. I was glad I’d come.

  He excused himself, saying he had to make dinner, and I turned back to Ella and Coco. “You didn’t take over spinning her?” I asked Ella.

  “Nah, none of us do that. Makes us too dizzy.”

  “Thanks for warning me ahead of time.” I rolled my eyes.

  “She’ll love you forever if you keep spinning her.” Ella grinned.

  “Yeah, spin me!” Coco said.

  I gave in and spun around with her another time. Then I had to pick her up and spin her… and after that, I put her in a chair and spun her. By the time she was finished spinning, I was amazed she hadn’t puked.

  “Ella, come help me set the table,” Fran called.

  As Ella went ahead, Sam came back into the room. Coco sat on the couch with her knees up, playing with the hem of her tutu.

  “Hey, I wanted to talk to you privately for a second,” Sam said. “I hope you know I’m happy for you and Ella. You two are clearly way better together than we would’ve been, and there’s no hard feelings on my part.”

  It was a relief to hear that. “That’s what I thought, but it’s good to hear you say that. I hope we can be friends. I always liked talking to you. It was fun when we were text buddies.”

  A strange expression crossed his face, one I didn’t understand.

  At least, I didn’t until Coco piped up from the couch. “You were never texting him. You were texting Ella.”

  I blinked, then blinked again. My mind had suddenly gone blank, and I wasn’t sure if I could trust what my ears had just heard. “What?”

  “Ignore her,” Sam said quickly. “She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

  Coco looked up from her seat, her small features indignant. “I’m little, not deaf. I was right here when you and Ella planned everything. Even just now, you said you wanted to talk privately, and then you talked right in front of me.”

  “You – she…” Sam stuttered, looking back and forth between Coco and me.

  “Ella even told Sam what to say while you were on a date,” Coco said. “She was on the phone, listening to you and texting him.”

  “What is she talking about?” I asked, my heart hollow. “Ella said you asked her for advice about what to say to me.”

  “They planned that, too,” Coco said in a tattletale tone. “They sat here and decided exactly what to tell you.”

  The blood drained from my face. I turned toward Sam, hoping he could explain this somehow. Hoping he could tell me it wasn’t true.

  He plastered a weak smile onto his face. “Silly, isn’t it? I was such a loser. I can’t believe I ever thought it would be a good idea.”

  “So you lied to me,” I said. “The two of you conspired to lie to me.”

  His smile faltered. “If you want to put it that way.”

  My throat was too tight for me to speak. Red flooded my field of vision, staining everything around me. I stood up and headed for the door without another word.

  I never wanted to see a single member of this family again.

  Twenty-One – Ella

  With the table set, I headed back into the living room to call the others for dinner. Everyone was getting along better than I’d expected – there was barely any weirdness between Judi and Sam, and Coco had instantly taken to Judi. Although I’d spent the week dreading bringing them together, now that it was actually happening, I was actually looking forward to sharing a meal with all of my favorite people.

  “Dinner’s ready,” I sang out – and froze.

  Sam was hanging his head, his hands over his face. Coco sat on the couch, kicking the air lazily with a smug expression on her face.

  And Judi… Judi was nowhere to be seen.

  “Where’d she go?” I asked
, my throat tight.

  Sam looked at me with anguished eyes. “I’m so sorry, Ella. I never meant her to find out. If I’d had any idea this would happen…”

  My stomach knotted up. I didn’t have to ask to figure out what he was talking about. “You told her?” I asked, bile rising in my throat.

  “No,” Sam mumbled. “Coco did.”

  I looked at my little sister again, noticing the self-satisfaction on her face again. “You did this?” I asked. “Why would you do such a thing?”

  She laced her fingers in her lap, still twitching her legs. “You thought I didn’t know?” she asked. “You always act like I’m not even here. But I am, and I have ears.”

  “I know you knew,” I said, frustrated – even though I hadn’t particularly thought about it. “That doesn’t mean you were supposed to tell Judi.”

  “Well, you didn’t tell me not to.”

  Sam came to my side, the two of us facing off against the nine-year-old. “You knew fully well that it was going to bother Judi,” he said. “And you did it anyway – to prove a point?”

  “If you felt like we were ignoring you, you could’ve said something about it,” I said weakly.

  “Instead, you chose to say the one thing that might ruin your sister’s relationship,” Sam went on. “She’s waited her whole life to meet the right girl, and she and Judi are perfect together.”

  It was nice to know he had my back – even if everything else was falling apart around me.

  “Then she shouldn’t have lied,” Coco said, although the smugness on her face was beginning to falter. “People shouldn’t lie.”

  “Where did you learn that? The Teletubbies?” I asked.

  Mom came into the room, her eyes sweeping around to investigate why we hadn’t come for dinner. Sam broke down the situation for her, being completely open about everything that had happened from the start.

  She put her hand over her heart. “You need to go after her, Ella.”

  “Right now?”

  “Yes. Sam and I will have a talk with Coco.” She glanced my now repentant-looking sister. “And when you get back, the three of us will have a talk, ourselves. But for now, you need to catch up with her and see if you can explain things in a way she’ll understand.”