It Was You Read online

  I threw on a navy-blue dress, combed my hair, and applied some light make-up. It was time.

  I arrived at the restaurant a minute before six. To my pleasant surprise, it was decently upscale for a burger joint. It was a sit-down restaurant, and the menu in the window showed they even had options other than burgers.

  “Hey!” Sam’s voice came from a nearby table, and he stood up to clasp me in a quick hug. “I got us a table already.”

  “And here I thought I was early.” I looked him up and down, appreciating the checkered button-down shirt he’d worn. It seemed like he’d made a little extra effort to look nice for me, too.

  “I guess I was keen,” he said, pulling out my chair for me. “Have you been here before? It’s one of my favorite spots, so I can recommend something if you’d like.”

  “Sure! I’m actually not huge on burgers, so I wouldn’t mind trying something from the wrap section.” I pointed at the menu.

  He cringed. “Oh God, you’re not a vegetarian or something, are you?”

  “Not at all. Don’t worry.” The poor guy seemed so nervous, I patted his hand to set him at ease. “I don’t eat a ton of meat, especially red meat, but that’s just because I don’t like it. Plus, vegetables are delicious.”

  “Vegetables are disgusting.” He jerked as if taken by surprise, then looked down at his lap. “I mean, I do like some vegetables, though. Like carrots – who could say no to a raw carrot, right?”

  “Totally. It’s the perfect snack.”

  He rested his chin in his hand, looking down again. “Hey, do you think a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable?”

  “Fruit, definitely.”

  “But it goes in salads with all the other vegetables. And every other fruit is sweet, so like, how could it be a real fruit?”

  “That’s the thing, not every fruit is sweet,” I said. “Did you know avocados are technically fruits?”

  “Really?”

  I nodded. “They’re botanically classified as a berry.”

  I leaned forward, engaged in the conversation. This felt almost like those early texts again. The topic was interesting, and we were vibing. I wondered what witty remark he’d make in response.

  He blinked at me. “You’re so smart.”

  I shook my head, suddenly uncomfortable. Over text, he never would’ve said something like that. He would’ve had some smart response. Maybe he was one of those people who always thought of the right thing to say too late. Then again, he was always quick with his text replies – so what was the issue now?

  The waiter came by to take our order, and at Sam’s urging, I decided on a chicken Caesar wrap. He got an everything burger.

  Once the waiter left, Sam looked down again. It was an odd tic I’d never noticed at work. I guessed he was more nervous than usual since we were out on an official date.

  “How was work?” he asked. “Did any of our favorites come in?”

  “Jacob was his usual self,” I said with a laugh. “One of these days he’ll manage to hack the government. God only knows what he’ll do once he gets in.”

  “Ah. Um…” He looked down. “You never know. He might do better than the current administration.”

  “True, maybe he has a plan to revolutionize healthcare.”

  Sam squirmed, looking uncomfortable. I could’ve kicked myself for mentioning politics. This was a first date, after all.

  “What did you get up to today?” I asked. “Did you watch anything good?”

  He visibly relaxed. “I watched the replay of the Heat game from last night. Did you catch it?”

  “No, I was working. I’m not a huge fan of the Heat, anyway.”

  He frowned. “I thought you were into basketball.”

  “Yeah, I like it, but I don’t watch every game.”

  The waiter brought our food, and we were quiet for a moment as we dug in. My wrap tasted good at first, but after a few bites, the flavors merged and the whole thing became kind of boring. A little bit like Sam.

  He set down his burger and looked at his lap again. “I feel like I don’t know that much about your past. Did you grow up around here?”

  His arm had moved before he said that, almost as if… As if he was looking at his phone.

  My jaw slowly dropped open as I stared at him. Had I just figured the Sam mystery out? Had he been Googling what to say to me the whole time we’d been texting? Had he been looking for conversation topics on the Internet all night?

  “Um… I…” I shook my head, mentally debating whether I should confront him about what he was doing. On the one hand, it was weird and awkward. On the other hand, was there even a point? Clearly he was trying a bit too hard because he liked me, so calling him out would only embarrass him. I was pretty sure I wasn’t interested anymore, but pointing out his behavior would be borderline cruel.

  I’d finish my meal, then cut the date short.

  “I did grow up locally,” I said, forcing a smile. “On the other side of town, though. I went to college in Denver, and then I came back.”

  “Me, too,” he said. “I thought about staying there, but I have all my old friends here, and I’m really close with my family.”

  “Oh yes, your snowball fight competitors,” I said. “How many brothers and sisters do you have?”

  “Two sisters. One older, one younger. They’re…” He shook his head. “They’re great, generally.”

  “That’s great. I’m an only child. I always wondered what it’d be like to have siblings.”

  He looked down and frowned. “I feel like having sisters has made me understand the female perspective a little more than the average guy,” he said, still not meeting my eyes. “It’s turned me into a sensitive kind of person.”

  Was he even serious? He sounded so cheesy right now, and from the look on his face, he could barely stand to force the words out.

  I crammed the last bit of my wrap into my mouth. He was still eating, though, and his drink was only half-gone. I settled back in my seat, trying not to sigh. A few more minutes, and this would be over.

  We made more small talk as he finished his burger. Now that I’d noticed the phone thing, it was hard to see how I’d ever missed it. Of course he didn’t have a tic, for heaven’s sake. The only thing I didn’t get was how he didn’t notice me rolling my eyes whenever he looked at his lap.

  At last, his plate held nothing but crumbs. Still, he made no move to drain his Coke. I fidgeted in my seat, eager to leave. How long was he going to drag this out?

  After another minute of chit-chat, I’d had enough of being polite. “Well, this was fun, but I have to get going,” I said, making a show of looking at my watch. “I have plans with a friend.” A friend named Netflix.

  “Oh… already?” he asked, looking concerned. “I didn’t realize, or I would’ve picked another day. I thought tonight would be good, since tomorrow’s your day off.”

  “That was nice of you.” I pulled my wallet out of my purse, determined to not let him pay for me. “You’re scheduled tomorrow, though. I’m sure you don’t want to be out too late.”

  “I don’t mind. I…” He paused and checked his phone. “But you have to go, so it’s fine. No worries.”

  He gestured the waiter over, and once we’d paid, we stood up. Outside, I braced myself for our goodbye. “This was great,” he said. “Maybe we can do it again sometime.”

  He went in for a hug, which I reluctantly returned. Don’t try to kiss me. Don’t try to kiss me. I pre-emptively turned my face away.

  “We’ll talk about it,” I said, quickly stepping away. “Text me!”

  I probably should’ve told him there wouldn’t be a second date. It just felt unnecessarily cruel to reject him to his face.

  At least we only had a few more days of working together. After the end of this week, I wouldn’t have to see him at Caffeine Hut anymore.

  There was no chance in hell I’d go out with him again.

  Seven – Ella

  Sam got
home about twenty minutes after Judi said goodbye. By then, I was on the living room couch with Coco, watching the end of Tizzy’s Magical Adventures. I’d given up my own Sunday evening plans to sit in my room, listening to Sam’s date on speakerphone and rapidly typing out whatever I thought he should say.

  “Thank you, Ella!” he said, dropping onto the couch between me and Coco and leaning his head on my shoulder. “That went amazingly!”

  “Really?” The conversation hadn’t flowed particularly well, if you asked me. Judi hadn’t flirted at all, and then she’d left immediately after dinner. It didn’t bode well for Sam’s chances of a second date.

  “It was so good,” he enthused. “She’s so great. She’s perfect for me.”

  “What?” Coco asked, pausing the DVD. “Who?”

  “Nobody,” I said. “I think it’s your bedtime, actually.”

  “But Ella!”

  “But nothing.” I grabbed the remote and flipped off the TV. “The grown-ups need to talk. You can finish watching tomorrow.”

  She groaned so loudly I would’ve felt bad if I hadn’t known she’d seen the movie a hundred thousand times before. I wasn’t exactly preventing her from finding out the ending.

  Once she was gone, I turned to Sam. “You’re really that into her?”

  To me, it’d sounded like the best parts of the conversation were when he repeated the things I told him. When he talked about things he was interested in – which I’d encouraged him to do, since he did want to just be himself eventually – I could practically hear Judi’s interest evaporating.

  She seemed like such a cool person. Even without knowing what she looked like, I knew we had more than enough in common to be friends, if not more. And Sam, as wonderful as he was, didn’t share those interests. Honestly, I wasn’t sure why he was so enthralled by her.

  “She’s amazing,” he said, lying down across the couch and sticking his legs over my lap. “She’s just so smart, you know? And she’s cool, and confident, and… ugh!”

  Couldn’t he see that a smart girl might want to be with someone who was smart, too? I was going to have to break this to him gently, but I didn’t quite know how.

  “She didn’t say she wanted a second date,” I said carefully. “Are you sure she had a good time?”

  “Yeah, I think so.” He looked confused. “She said I should text her. I’ll probably ask her in person, actually. We can plan it out at work.”

  “Well… are you sure you’ll be ready for a second date?” I asked. “Without me helping you, I mean?”

  He sat up straight. “Um… maybe you could help me again.”

  “You said this was a one-time thing!” I said. “You said if you got to a second date, you’d be yourself!”

  “I can’t do that.”

  “Of course you can. How did you expect to keep this situation going forever? Am I supposed to stay on the phone while you’re in bed with her?” I wrinkled my nose at the thought.

  “I don’t know,” he said. “I can’t do this on my own yet, though. At least keep texting her for me. Just for a little longer.”

  I sighed. “I can text her, but it’s not going to work for much longer. If you guys go on more dates, I won’t know what you talked about. It’ll be obvious that someone else is texting her.”

  “That’s why you should stay on the phone during those dates, too.” He flashed me a smile.

  My little brother thought his puppy-dog eyes would get him whatever he wanted. Well, I had a feeling Judi wouldn’t agree to any more dates, anyway. “I guess I can text her for now,” I said. “Then we’ll see how things go.”

  I had another, more selfish reason to agree to text her. It was, simply put, fun. Even though I hadn’t met her, I enjoyed talking to her more than I did to most people in my life. I’d come to see her as something like a text buddy. Chatting with her made my days more pleasant.

  I’d pulled back somewhat when Sam had yelled at me, and I’d done my best to sound more like him, like he’d asked. But I was still myself, and I knew my own voice, thoughts, and opinions came through.

  I was going to miss her when Sam took his phone back. I wished there was a way to keep our text conversation going – or to meet and befriend her in person instead. It might’ve been silly, since we’d only communicated through words on a screen… but I felt like I’d really connected with her. A genuine human connection was hard to find, and I didn’t want to give it up.

  “Great!” Sam said. “Keep my phone. Text her in the morning.”

  “That soon?”

  “Or whenever you feel is good,” he said. “You’re the expert, after all.”

  *

  I tried to keep the conversation with Judi going over the next few days. I could feel her pulling away, though. Her replies were slower, and there was less flirting and teasing. I was pretty sure she was building up to telling Sam she wasn’t interested.

  I wish I didn’t have to go to work tomorrow, she texted on Tuesday. I’m so over this job thing. Can I retire already?

  I’m with you! I wrote, sitting behind the front desk at the library. Let’s give up our material possessions, move to a farm in the countryside, and live off the land for the rest of our lives.

  Yeah, right. You already have your fancy new job that’s going to be a million times better than Caffeine Hut.

  I put my phone down to help a patron who was looking for a book. I didn’t mind my job at all, actually, but I couldn’t tell Judi that.

  My new job will have its own issues, I wrote back when I was done. Every job does. Besides, I’m opposed to the whole concept of work. Money can’t buy you happiness!

  But it can buy you food and shelter, she said. I don’t think I’d be too happy without those.

  I told you, we’ll live off the land together. I considered adding a winky face, then decided against it. If she was planning to reject Sam soon, I didn’t want to freak her out by coming on too strong.

  I skimmed through a library newsletter while I waited for her response. I had to make some acquisitions soon, which was one of my favorite parts of the job. But I wouldn’t be able to focus on picking out new books I thought the library patrons would enjoy while I had my mind on Judi.

  I didn’t know you felt so strongly about work, she said. Even if you could have your dream job, you’d rather not work at all?

  Oops. I’d come to realize that when she said she didn’t know something about me, that meant I’d strayed too far from sounding like Sam.

  Nah, I’m kind of joking, I typed. I mean, living off the land would be a ton of work, too. I just feel like it’d be more enjoyable than Caffeine Hut.

  Maybe so, she said. Just about anything would be more enjoyable than Caffeine Hut.

  That could’ve been another good moment to flirt. I considered saying something like “it must be so much worse without me there,” but again decided against it.

  If I didn’t push her to be more than friends, maybe she and “Sam” could keep texting after he left his job. They could keep in touch over the phone – they wouldn’t have to see each other. Of course, I’d have to give him his phone back at some point. Maybe I could give her my number and tell her it was Sam’s new number.

  What would be your dream job, then? I texted.

  Hmm, I’m not sure. Not much you can do with a degree in gender studies, you know?

  My eyes nearly popped out of my head. She’d taken gender studies? That was one of the gayest majors out there. I guessed some straight girls studied it, but they had to be few and far between. Was Judi one of them? Or was she not as straight as I’d always imagined?

  Another text from her arrived. I’ve always thought librarians had a pretty sweet gig, though.

  My eyes got even bigger, and I covered my mouth to hide my dropped jaw. She wanted to be a librarian? I could tell her all about it – the positives, the negatives, the job market. But not while I was still pretending to be Sam.

  Unless… Have I mentioned my s
ister’s a librarian? I typed carefully. If you have any questions about the job, I can ask her.

  What if I told her I could put her in touch with “my sister” – that they should meet for a coffee and talk about librarianship as a potential career? I’d get to meet Judi – in person – as myself. The idea was thrilling enough to make my heart beat a little faster, and I glanced around the library as if someone might catch me doing something wrong.

  It was much too early to offer anything like that, of course. I didn’t even know if Judi had seriously considered becoming a librarian, or if it was just a random thought. I’d have to wait and see how she responded to that last text. But what if… what if…

  My phone vibrated on my lap. She was replying faster again, seeming to relax as we fell back into our texting routine. That’s sweet of you! she said. I’ll have to think about what I’d want to know. I never thought too much about it. Just always thought it’d be cool to be surrounded by books.

  I sighed. So much for meeting up. My sister says it’s not as relaxing as you might think, I wrote. There are a lot of different issues she has to deal with. And it’s tough to find a job. She was so lucky to find one here in town.

  I see what you mean. I should’ve figured there’d be more to it than I thought. She added a smiley face. What about you, anyway? What’d be your dream job?

  I stared at the screen, letting out a slow exhale. Personally, I was already on track for my dream job – being a senior librarian. But she wasn’t asking me.

  How would Sam answer this question? I wasn’t sure, and I didn’t want to think about it.

  The longer I talked to Judi, the more I hated pretending to be somebody other than me.

  Eight – Judi

  On Friday, I rushed from work to the library downtown where the Pride planning meeting was taking place. As I walked in, I glanced around the peaceful environment. My chat with Sam the other day had put the idea of becoming a librarian in my head again. It’d always been my dream when I was little, and then I’d put it aside as I got older.